This is what's on my mind lately. From the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, it's always in the back of my mind. Adelyn has a shunt. We know that they have very high rates of malfunctioning but since her first surgery at 5 days old, it's seemed like everything has been perfect. I guess i'm definitely learning that nothing is what it seems. I actually get very high anxiety anytime we are going to a dr appt, bc I'm constantly waiting for another ball to drop on me. We go from time to time for routine MRI's and to see her neurosurgeon. Thankfully, they haven't had to sedate her yet for an MRI, they just hold her still and do a rapid sequence MRI which is good enough to look at her brain and the fluid. May 20th, we went for one of these routine visits, and it turned into anything but routine. Compared to her last scan, the fluid around her brain has increased. It wasn't a drastic increase or he said he would of taken her into surgery right then, but it was definitely an increase. Adelyn isn't showing any signs of a malfunction. She's still herself, happy, playful, smart little self. I'm trying to think positive and that maybe it was just a fluke, but at the same time I dont' want to convince myself that to the point that come August 13th, I'm completely blindsided as they take her into surgery. August 13th is the date that I'm "counting" down to. There are 4 weeks, and 5 days until we take Adelyn back to Med City Children's where they will do a sedated MRI and a shunt tap. The Shunt Tap is where they stick a needle down into the base of her shunt to determine the pressure. I guess some people with hydrocephalus have naturally larger ventricles but if the pressure isn't too high, then they can function like that. If the pressure is too high, then it could start causing brain problems. So these tests are at 8am and then we have to wait 4 long hours to see her surgeon to see what the results are. He informed us on May 20th, that if these tests show that her shunt is indeed malfunctioning, he will take her into surgery that afternoon. I don't like the unknown, especially if that unknown is whether or not my daughter will be having another major brain surgery. It sucks. It consumes my thoughts. I feel like i'm never going to be able to relax and know that everything is truly OK. She's great, people tell me all the time how perfect she is, I agree...but I just can't relax. So all I can do is pray. Pray that she is fine, or that she will be fine, and that this is just another minor bump in her path. There is a saying that I saw when she was little and it fits her so far. She has a determined spirit and won't let anything hold her back. But the saying is "though she be but little, she is fierce." It says it's a Shakespeare quote. I think it fits perfectly. So if you can continue to keep my sweet girl in  your prayers, I'd appreciate it. And  if you have extra time, pray for my sanity and patience. This has been a hard thing for me to roll with...as you can see...everyday I look at the countdown. I'm ready to get passed it and have something else consume my thoughts :)

2013

So far, I have really been enjoying 2013. My kids are at fun stages. Garrison is 4 1/2 and Adelyn is 17 months old. I"m starting to get sad about having a kid that will be starting school this year. I still have 8 more months before he starts, but some how I still feel like my time is dwindling down. Since I only work 3 days a week, my off days are devoted to my kids. The days are always planned around Addy's appointments and a nap schedule and then on teaching Garrison and then play time. Garrison is very smart. He remembers things after being told one time. However, he has a very small attention span and thinks that learning is "stupid." I'm afraid his kinder teacher may have a tough time with this one. Although, I'm sure she is used to 5 year old boys. I have to make Garrison's lessons into a game or else he will not want to sit still. His imagination is wild. He has changed his name and does not like to be called Garrison. His name is Christopher Adam Hunter Cowboy...somedays he drops the cowboy. He loves going to church. He tells me all the time that Jesus made him so that he could protect me, Addy, and daddy. He asked me the other day if I thought he should be a fireman, cop, battle ship guy, or a hair cutter when he grows up. Not real sure where the hair cutter came from but after a brief discussion he decided he'd like to work on a battle ship the best. He really loves his sister. He gets so excited when she gets up in the mornings or from naps. I hear him say "good morning girl" pretty often too her. They hug a lot. They hold hands a lot. Addy loves to just follow him around.

Adelyn is 17 months. Crazy to think she's about to be one and a half. Times goes so fast and it's easier to tell when they are little and it feels like everyday they grow. Addy's been in therapy since she was 3 months old with ECI, early childhood intervention. She has a life skills therapist and a physical therapist. One or the other comes out every week to the house. They seriously feel like family at this point and I know that I owe them so much. Addy's come such a long way. At 3 months when we started, we had no clue where life would take our sweet girl. At 3 months, my biggest fear was that she was blind (she didn't track or look at you). Obviously, those big ol' blue eyes can see just fine now. Then we worked on getting her to roll, then to sit up, then to crawl, cruising to walking. She met all the objectives and wasn't too delayed in any of them. Her annual review was right when she started walking, 15 months and PT cut her loose. I was so excited to go down to one therapist and know that my girl was on target! We were off for 6 weeks but Adam and I were noticing that Addy was not growing out of the typical "funky" toddler walk. We asked her PT to come back out and relook and I knew it, Addy's back in PT twice a month. Addy has a form of MILD hemiparesis. Which is basically just one sided muscle weakness from a "brain injury." It's always been her right side that is weak. She pulls her right hand up as if to stabilize that side and then she sort of drags that right foot and then doesn't want to weight bare on that side so it creates what looks like a limp. We are hoping to get rid of this as much as possible with PT, although her therapist didn't seem too convinced that we would be able to completely get it to correct. Only time will tell and regardless, my girl is ready to take on the world. She is so incredibly determined. She seriously will try for 30 minutes to complete a task. Her therapist's both have commented that this is an odd thing for a baby her age to do but she doesn't give up. They are impressed by her determination. She is also stubborn. We call her our little Diva. She gets her point across and can throw a really really good tantrum.  Her favorite past time is eating. She has a little budha belly. Garrison calls her a "scavenger" She is a messy  messy eater and after she's done eating we have to hurry and clean the floor bc ten minutes  later she will be back in the kitchen trying to see what she can find to eat off the floor!! Her brother is probably her favorite person. I think she thinks he's pretty awesome!

haha

This is random..but I think it's hilarious! I like to watch the voice. Blake Shelton is sooooooooooo funny and Adam Levine is sooooooo yummy! Why not watch?! I also like to watch chelsea handler, although I don't really get the chance to watch her very often. Definitely not kid approved. Blake Shelton was a guest on Chelsea's talk show a couple weeks back and here is a picture of Chuy. Chuy is Chelsea's side kick "little person." He was dressed as C-Lo...LOL. I may be the only person to find this entertaining but oh well :)

Introducing....Mike Question Jake...The Elf!

There is a new tradition at the Bal house for Christmas. December 1st this little guy rang our door bell....

I was more excited than Garrison was. He did think it was pretty cool that the Elf was riding his "motor" as he calls it and he was very quick to snatch it off the four wheeler and grab the book. This was obviously, before we read the book, and I realized they aren't suppose to touch the elf bc he loses his magic. OOPS! In case you aren't familiar with the Elf on the Shelf concept, the Elf shows up sometime after Thanksgiving and is Santa's little "spy." He flys back to Santa every night to report on how well the children are being and tells Santa if they are naughty. Then each morning he is in a different location. I just knew Garrison would think this was SO fun! Boy...I was wrong.

So the next morning...we found this. OH, Garrison gets to name his own elf so he chose..."Mike Question Jake." Seriously?! Oh Em Gee...what kind of name is that! This child is crazy!

 If you look on the Internet, there are literally a million ideas for your Elf on the Shelf. I have to say, I was pretty proud of myself bc I came up with this one all on my own! Gold star for mommy! Garrison thought this was funny, then went on to playing. Not near as much excitement as I expected. So that night, I moved "Mike Question Jake" to the hall way and he was playing cards with a snowman. The next morning Garrison finds him and I hear Garrison talking to him in a very stern voice AND pointing his finger at him. "Now elf, I am three times bigger than you, and my daddy is way bigger than both of us!" He was convinced that the Elf had stolen his ipod!

So this was what Elf was doing this morning. It's suppose to be a bubble bath but there is no fooling Garrison. He knew it was marshmallows :) He told me first thing this morning. "Mom, Elf took all the marshmallows. I'm going to throw him in the garbage." SIGH :( Maybe Mike Question Jake will be better for Adelyn! :)

Small things

Adelyn has always been a very easy baby to put to sleep. Our bedtime routine starts about 8pm. Jammies, milk, books, etc. and we sit in our rocker and snuggle. I've always been a believer in putting my kids to bed awake so that they learn to fall asleep on their own. So at 8:30 every night, almost to the second, adelyn starts to get fussy if she isn't in her bed. I've always thought it was cute how when I lay her down, she bends her knees and kinda rocks her legs back and forth, like she is rocking herself to sleep. Then off to sleep she goes....

So a couple nights ago  Adam and I were laying in bed talking before bed. For some reason, it popped in my head about how cute and sweet I think it is that Adelyn "rocks" herself to sleep. So I decided to tell Adam how cute I think it is and, not even kidding, as I'm telling this to Adam I notice that he is doing the exact same thing with his legs. I don't know why I never put the two together, bc I used to always laugh at Adam for rocking himself to sleep. When I used to make fun of him, he would just laugh it off and say it was relaxing. He's always done this. It's amazing the things that our children do that are just like us. Adelyn doesn't sleep in bed with us, so she couldn't of just started copying Adam, it must just be in their genes! I think it's odd that Adam does it, but it's so cute when Adelyn does it! :)

While we are on the subject of sleep, it brings to mind another story. Adelyn, Garrison and I had gone up to Baylor Hospital to visit my mom one night. As we were leaving, my sister gave Garrison some change to throw into the wish fountain. He was excited to throw his coin in and make a wish. On our way home, Garrison was very worried about whether or not I really thought his wish would come true. After him asking me about it 3 or 4 times, I decided to ask what his wish was. (It's funny how superstitions seep their way into your thinking, bc I really thought "I hope i'm not jinxing his wish by asking him to tell me") crazy, I know. Anyway, so he tells me "I wished that I won't have any more bad dreams." UGH. Seriously it made my heart sink. He has never mentioned having bad dreams to me and it made me sad to think he is having them. He proceeded to tell me he has bad dreams all the time but that he can't remember what the dreams are about. Poor guy! So a couple days later, my sister came over and had a gift for Garrison. She got him a dream catcher! He thinks it's the coolest thing ever. Then about a week later, I was picking Garrison up from Cindy and Clayton's house and we were talking about Garrison's bad dreams. Clayton pretended to grab the dreams out of Garrison's head and Garrison thought he was so silly. He said "they don't come from my head. They come from the dream fairy. She creeps in my room every night on her tip toes, real quiet so no one else hears her." This kid is crazy.....He must get that from his daddy too! :)

Faces

Once you become a mom, your life changes in ways that you never really can understand until you are a mom. I am blessed to be Adelyn and Garrison's mom. They are such sweet babies. I want to remember every bit about these stages. 4 and 1...they keep me on my toes and entertained. I wouldn't trade it for anything.....

Garrison...this face....

I see this exact face almost daily. He is a little flirt. He's heard almost all his life, from complete strangers, how beautiful he is and I think he's learned to use it to his benefit. He makes this face and says "mom...then asks for whatever it is he wants at that moment..." How could you resist this face?! He's so silly! He's very expressive. He has a great vocabulary. When i'm getting on to him for something, I try and explain it using big words and he will say "Mom, I understand." When I want him to do something and he doesn't, he doesn't just say No, instead he says "Mom, I do not like that plan." He's very stubborn and strong willed. (No clue where he got that from!) He hates learning and I dread kinder. He's very social. He started playing soccer and when he first gets to practice or his games, he has to hug all his friends. He usually even hugs the other team in the middle of the game. One of his teammates was crying during a game, and Garrison stood there with his friend, with his hand on his shoulder. He didn't care that the other team was going to score, he just wanted to make sure his friend was ok. He's kindhearted. He tells his friends he loves them. He tells me he loves me to the moon and back. His favorite shows are beyblade and power rangers, even if he is grounded from them indefinitely bc he doesn't know to be easy in play fighting. He knocked me in the eye one time and seriously drew tears to my eyes. He's tough. If you don't believe me just ask him because he told Jen that he can stop a car with his hands. He loves his sister, he calls her Addy-boo. Most mornings Garrison is the first to wake up and as soon as he hears Adelyn start waking up, he goes and crawls in her crib with her. Most mornings I find them holding hands in her crib or just "talking" back and forth. Her little protector...

Then I have this face......

 I see this face almost daily too. This is the face she makes when she is smiling so big that she closes her eyes and her dimples show. She gets so tickled at herself. She loves life. She loves her dada. If Adam isn't home, she will say dada all around the house. She's started saying Ma for me. It's like she's too lazy to say mama. Or maybe she just knows she only has to say one small sound and I check on her. She loves her big brother. She calls him bubba. She follows him all around the house and just laughs and laughs at him. It is going to be fun watching their interactions as they grow. She points at everything She watches your mouth constantly, listening intently to what you are saying and trying to figure out her mouth. She says mama, dada, and bubba the most but she can say pops, ball, amy, bye, dog. I just want to love on her all day, everyday. She's the most laid back, easy going, happy baby ever. This girl loves to eat. From breakfast she will eat two eggs and two turkey sausages and then want to finish off Garrison's. We call her a scavenger because if you can't find her, chances are she is in the kitchen trying to see if anything fell onto the floor that she can eat. Which causes  me to have to vacuum about 10 times a day. She loves her bath time and likes to stick her entire head under the running water. She was a natural in the pool, kicking her leg and dipping her head under. Maybe we have an Olympic swimmer in our futures.

These are the faces I cherish. These are the faces that make up my world. :)